Posts Tagged ‘adults’

Call me cynical but I can’t for the life of me understand the point of an advent calendar. Actually, that’s not true. I understand that an advent calendar is used to count down the days to the Nativity of Jesus at Christmas and I appreciate that this has a significance for Christians, but for everyone else? Really?

I know you don’t have to be a Christian to enjoy Christmas despite it being a religious festival. I realise the commercialisation factor has elevated/reduced it (depending on your point of view) to simply a day to buy expensive presents, eat far too much food and argue with family members you don’t particularly enjoy the company of. People are excited by this. I’m not but I know other people are. However, I still don’t understand how opening a little door made of card with a snotty little chocolate behind it, enhances this excitement in any way.

Don’t get me wrong, I love chocolate. If I ate as much chocolate as I would like to eat then I could easily be as fat as those women that people apparently come on this site to see. Chocolate is great. A bar of chocolate is great. A proper, decent-sized chocolate bar that is pure oral pleasure for the minute or so it takes to eat it. It doesn’t take a minute to eat a chocolate from an advent calander. It doesn’t even take a mouthful to eat a chocolate from an advent calendar. And people do it first thing in the morning. I don’t know any other time of the year where someone would wake up first thing in the morning and start munching on chocolate. It’s not a morning food.

I have nothing against doors either. I use doors all the time. They’re bloody brilliant. They open, they close, they serve a purpose. I can’t rate doors highly enough. However, tiny doors made of card scattered upon a larger, rectangular piece of card are not my cup of tea. Opening one of those doors serves no purpose to me. Sure, it counts down the days until Christmas but then so does a normal calendar. And everything else around us that incessantly reminds us how many days there are to go until Christmas. You can’t fail to know how many days remain. Even if you didn’t want to know, you’d know.

I always thought advent calendars were for children. Christmas is much more magical when you’re a child and it certainly helps generate the hysteria around this single day of the year. But I don’t know any children and I’ve still seen advent calendars in homes where my friends live and I know other people – adult people – who have one or plan to have one. It annoys me a bit. Adults should not be buying advent calendars for themselves. They just shouldn’t.

By this point you’ve either agreed with everything I’ve said or you think I’m a grumpy, miserable, bitter sod who just wants to suck the joy out of everything. I realise that the majority will be thinking the latter. I just think you should know that my problem isn’t with Christmas or people who like and enjoy Christmas, it’s with advent calendars. They’re crappy pieces of cardboard filled with crappy quality and quantities of chocolate. Some have toys or gifts! And the toys and gifts are shit. If you’re that desperate for measely amounts of chocolate and rubbish toys then buy Kinder Eggs in bulk and fill your boots.

There are few things that annoy me as much as adults who read Harry Potter books. They’re children’s books. They’re aimed at children. Children. The little people who have yet to be exposed to the disillusionment of real life. Fantasy appeals to these little people as it prompts the imagination to run wild with impossibilities. As the little people transform into big people they’ll start to experience sex and drugs and financial difficulties and they’ll be exposed to deceit and disappointment and bad language. Drama. Reality.

There is an abundance of adult literature for adults to read. Adult literature. Literature aimed at adults. Adults. They’re the big people who have suffered – and continue to suffer – the disillusionment of real life. Their imagination disintegrated when television and the internet spoon fed them shit under the guise of entertainment. They’ve had sex and taken drugs and had no money and they’ve experienced deceit and disappointment and swear like motherfuckers. Drama. Reality.

So what does Harry Potter offer an adult? Is it the case that real life is so depressing that indulging and immersing ones self in children’s fantasy serves as a great escapism from life’s mundanity?  Or is it the case that with the dumbing down of television and entertainment in general, people just haven’t developed the intelligence to get their head around something more complex than a four-eyed wizard fucking about with other wizards? I think it’s the latter. I think a large portion of adults are too stupid to understand and enjoy a piece of literature that was initially aimed at their demographic. They’re too busy reading Dan Brown books and celebrity hardbacks.

It’s the rise of the idiots. The idiots watch The X-Factor and Britain’s Got Talent and I’m a Celebrity, Get me Out of Here and the like. The idiots read The Sun newspaper. The idiots laugh at Michael McIntyre and Peter Kay who simply “notice things”. The idiots have conversations about TV soaps as if they’re real life. The idiots listen to Chris Moyles on the radio. The idiots watch Jackass in 3-D. The idiots think the iPhone is still cool when ironically it’s because of the hysteria of these idiots that the iPhone couldn’t be any less cool.

The idiots don’t watch things like Cowards or The Thick of It. The idiots don’t read The Guardian. The idiots don’t laugh at Stewart Lee or Bill Hicks. The idiots don’t have conversations about the decline of quality content on TV. The idiots don’t listen to Ian Collins on the radio. The idiots don’t watch Four Lions on DVD. The idiots with iPhones aren’t aware of the ridicule they’re subject to from the rest of society.

At the moment the idiots are flocking to see the new Harry Potter film. A film based on a children’s book. A book aimed at children. Children. The next batch of idiots.