Must Have Been a Good Night

Posted: 16/12/2010 in The Calculator
Tags: , , , ,

Anyone who says, “if you can’t remember anything then you must have had a good night”, is a prat. Why does it mean you must have had a good night? You could have sucked a cock and killed a cat for all you know.

More often than not what happened the night before is you drank far in excess of what you can handle and either threw up, passed out or both. I don’t equate any of those things to be an indication of having had a good night.

The things you do just prior to throwing up or passing out are not things you’d look back on with fond memories even if you could remember. Chances are you sexually assaulted someone’s mum, told your best mates to fuck off, fell over a few times and then spent half an hour chatting to a coat rack. Is that really “good times”?

It’s entertaining for everyone else to watch you humiliate yourself. They probably had a good night. You, however, wake up the next morning with no recollection of anything that happened but feel an overwhelming sense of dread. Over the next few hours the people you were with fill you in on what happened. You feel embarrassed and ashamed but you act in one of two ways. You either lap it up as if it’s a character trait or you apologise to everyone and hope it’s never mentioned again. Embarrassed and ashamed.

The people you were with will laugh AT you (not with) and at least one person that wasn’t there will say, “it must have been a good night then”. It must have. You made a complete twat out of yourself and you want the ground to swallow you up. But you must have had a good night. Must have had a good night. Must have. Must.

No. No you didn’t have a good night. You may have had a good night up to a point but after that point the quality of the night rapidly declined. And yet the people who say, “if you can’t remember anything then you must have had a good night” are suggesting that the reason it was good is because of what happens after that point. The part of the night you can’t remember. The humiliation part.

People that say that should shut up and not speak until they’ve thought long and hard about what they’re saying. There should be a fifteen minute gap between every sentence that comes out of their stupid mouth.

A good night is a night you can look back on with a smile on your face and a story to tell. A bad night is a night you can’t fucking remember because you were too cunted to have any control over what you were doing. And we’ve all been there.

  1. Anonymous says:

    could have sucked a cock and killed a cat???? i heard this is exactly what you did lol

    • Simon says:

      I think it’s more likely that I sexually assaulted your mum.

      Brilliant. I’ve resorted to a “your mum” joke on my own blog. This is a low point.

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