Porn: Turn On? Turn Off!

Posted: 09/12/2010 in The Calculator
Tags: , , , , , , ,

I don’t like pornography. I realise that this is an unusual and unexpected statement for a 23 year-old male to make but it really does nothing for me.

Now, I want to make it clear right away that I’m not some sort of asexual freak-monkey. I do like sex. I’ve even been lucky enough to have done it on a couple of occasions. If you were to say to me about a film that has, say, Jessica Alba naked in it , then I would want to watch that film. Even the seemingly endless supply of celebrity sex tapes are entertaining in their own little way (albeit not always in the way they’re intended). I just want to establish the fact that I’m not repulsed by sex in general. Just porn.

The primary reason porn does nothing for me is the fact that porn stars are generally hideous. The girls wear surgically-enhanced breasts, copious amounts of make-up, fake tan, fake nails and fake fuck-knows what else. I’ve never found any of that attractive. Even the failed actresses and ex-reality TV stars that pose in Zoo or Nuts magazine are total dogs. Fake breasts are a massive turn off for me. I used to fancy Gemma Atkinson when she was in Hollyoaks but as soon as she decided to have those ridiculous breast implants I just wasn’t attracted to her. Fake breasts don’t look real and they’re never in proportion. Same goes for fake tan and nails – they look so false that it’s just not attractive. The likes of Jodie Marsh and Katie Price make me want to vomit. They look like ugly caricatures of ugly women. The men in porn, on the other hand, are roided up freaks with the looks of a radio presenter. They just happen to have enormous penises in most cases.

Secondly, there’s the noises that the girls are required to make. They are utterly ridiculous and totally unrealistic. Which girls can honestly say that they make that sort of racket when they’re having sex? I mean, obviously there’s a fair bit of moaning and groaning going on (oh yes, I’ve been there) but seriously, who screams “Oh yeah, baby! Fuck me good! Fuck my face! Shove your cock down my throat ’til I choke!” at the top of their voice throughout the whole of the love-making experience? They continue to make the ludicrous noises even when the dopey tosser they’re supposed to be having sex with isn’t inside them. They’re not displaying genuine pleasure or emotion, they’re just really bad actresses. The guy, on the other hand, seems only to ever say “Do you like my cock?” every 15 seconds. What a stud.

Thirdly, it’s the things they actually do. It might do it for some guys but I don’t want to see a girl with come all over her face. Nor do I want to see how wide she can open her anus. And when did a man whacking his cock against a girls face become an attractive proposition? It just looks wrong and shows the girls to be nothing but sex objects.

Then there’s the really weird stuff. The stuff you hear about but don’t watch unless you’re warped. People pissing on each other, pregnant sex, cartoon porn, rape, incest, really fat women, really old women, transsexuals and sex with people going through chemotherapy, to name but a few. Actually, I made that last one up but I wouldn’t be surprised if it exists somewhere.

Another thing I genuinely don’t get is the fact that heterosexual men will say they’re able to watch man/girl and girl/girl porn but recoil at the idea of watching man/man porn, which is entirely understandable. Yet homosexual men will say they’re able to watch man/man, man/girl AND girl/girl. How does that work? If your sexuality is orientated to liking men and not women then surely there’s something a bit strange about watching two girls getting it on without a feeling of discomfort? It genuinely puzzles me. Although, I suppose we see animals copulate in wildlife documentaries without thinking too much of it. I’m not sure where I’m going with this bit…

Pornography is always going to remain a multi-million (billion? I haven’t done the research..) pound business regardless. I’m sure most guys (and girls) reading this think I’m mental but it’s how I feel. It’s so superficial and crude and with no sense of eroticism. It’s unattractive people doing unappealing things in my eyes. I just don’t “get it”. Each to their own though, I suppose.

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Comments
  1. Jim Fishwick says:

    You missed out Brazilian Fart Fetish. And electrocution, and hanging (where they hang from hooks in their skin) and a couple of others but they are getting REALLY specialist…

    • Simon says:

      I often wonder how people first become aware that they are sexually aroused by these “specialist” areas…

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