Just Some Words

Posted: 16/11/2010 in The Calculator
Tags: , , , , , ,

I love words. Without words this blog would be somewhat pointless. I think most people have favourite words that they just love saying or writing and I’m no different. The only problem is that my favourite words tend to have horrible meanings or connotations. I don’t often have the opportunity to use my favourite words in conversation unless I’m talking to someone about my favourite words. This is mainly because nearly all of my favourite words are extremely taboo.

For example, my absolute favourite word is ‘necrophilia’ (def. sexual attraction for or sexual intercourse with dead bodies). It’s a beautiful word and a joy to say. Unfortunately it’s not something that often crops up in conversation. In fact I can honestly say I’ve never been conversing with someone when the subject of fucking dead people has cropped up. I wouldn’t necessarily want to have that conversation with someone about that either but a part of me thinks that’s a massive shame because it’s such a wonderful word.

‘Paedophilia’ (def. a sexual attraction to children) is another great word. Again, not a great topic of conversation with friends. ‘Paedo’ makes an occasional appearance as an insult in a jokey context if someone is in some way associated with anyone under 18 but ‘paedo’ isn’t one of my favourite words. I think what I like about paedophilia – as with necrophilia – is the ‘ophilia’ bit. It’s lovely sounding. You could put ‘ophilia’ on the end of any word and it makes it infinitely better. Pigophilia (def. a love of pig based foods like bacon, sausages and pork). ‘Clubophilia’ (def. an interest in joining clubs /or/ an addiction to small crappy chocolate biscuit things). ‘Bedophilia’ (def. laziness).

‘Chlamydia’ (def. any of several common, often asymptomatic, sexually transmitted diseases caused by the microorganism Chlamydia trachomatis) is another one of my absolute favourite words. If only it wasn’t for the fact it’s the name given to a symptomless STD, I genuinely think it would be a nice name to give a baby girl. ‘Chlam’ for short. Be honest, the more you think about it the more you agree…

‘Cunt’ (def. Offensive, used as a disparaging term for a woman) is seen by many as the most vulgar and offensive swear word and that’s fair enough. However, what a fucking fantastic word. I love it. No other word is able to encapsulate anger so brilliantly. As long as it’s used sparingly it can have a really big impact. It doesn’t just have to be used in anger either, it’s equally brilliant when used in a light-hearted manner. At the end of the day it’s just a word and a great word to say. It’s not only great because of its meaning, it really is just a joyous word to say. It’s short, effective and punctuated brilliantly with an emphatic ‘T’.

I don’t really understand how a word can be offensive unless it’s used in an offensive context or in a derogatory manner. ‘Cunt’ isn’t offensive unless someone is calling you a cunt with the intention of insulting you. But then by the rule, ‘silly billy’ can also be offensive. ‘Nigger’ is an example of a plain offensive word due to all of the connotations associated with it but words like that are few and far between.

I’ve been trying to think of words I love that don’t have some sort of taboo attached to them and I can only think of one… ‘Spectacularly’.

So there you have it. It’s such a shame I don’t get to say these words on a day-to-day basis in conversation with people. They’re such beautiful words. The only way I can see all of these words coming together in a discussion is if a paedophile riddled with chlamydia has sex with a little dead girl and it makes national news. Fingers crossed! (Too far?)

PS. I don’t think I can find any picture suitable to accompany this post. Please note I’m only fond of the words and not their meanings or connotations.

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Comments
  1. Jim Fishwick says:

    A love of words should be the work of every man. American comedian Louis C.K. shares your love of the word Cunt. I myself enjoy “perambulate” which carries these two simple meanings: 1. Walk or travel through or around (a place or area), esp. for pleasure and in a leisurely way.
    2. Walk from place to place; walk about.

    It is also the origin of the word “pram”.

    • Simon says:

      I’m writing about Louis C.K. at the moment. It’s for a piece I’m doing on my favourite stand-up comedy. I’m not sure if I’ll post it on this blog or on Suite 101 but it’s probably going to be a “top 5” kind of thing. And Louis C.K easily sits in my top five. Top three. Top two. Yeah, top two.

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