The Inevitable Text Experience

Posted: 03/11/2010 in The Calculator
Tags: , , , ,

“Ah, good old alcohol. Facilitates the talking of shite! Long term, there’s depression, lethargy and addiction. But who’s looking to the long term?”

I think it’s fair to say that there’s not one person among us who isn’t prone to sending the odd silly text after a night of heavy drinking. At that precise moment in which you send the text, you think it’s best idea in the world. You don’t foresee any negative consequences and only good things can come of it. Whether it be the case that you’re declaring your love, administering your hate, initiating some sexy time or just plain gossiping about things you shouldn’t. It’s the technological equivalent of losing ALL your inhibitions.

The next morning, you wake up and after the initial confusion you experience due to the fact that you’re naked, there’s leaves in your bed and an unfinished sandwich stuck to your face, realisation kicks in. What the fuck were you thinking!? How, in any way, shape or form, did that seem like a good idea at the time!? You push your face into the pillow and hope the bed gobbles you up but unfortunately it never does. Beds don’t eat people, that’s established.

You check to see if you have any messages…. You panic if you don’t. You panic even more if you do! You hope that the other person is clued-up and reasonable enough to accept that it was nothing more than the alcohol talking. It’s probably the only time in life that an atheist prays.

People say that alcohol brings out the truth. That’s bullshit. Alcohol either makes you happy, horny, sad or angry. You either want to hug everyone, shag everyone, pour your heart out to everyone or argue/fight with anyone! It’s like a compass. Your level of alcohol consumption and the events leading up to that moment of full-blown inebriation determine at which of those four points the needle is going to land on. When you’re drunk, the person you fancy a little a bit is now the love of your life, the person with the nice hair back in school is now the most shaggable person on earth, the person that you once sat next to on a bus is now your shoulder-to-cry-on and the person who brushes past you on the stairs is your arch enemy. Honesty or logic have nothing to do with it. It’s impulse. We will all forever have these impulses. And we will always send drunken texts.


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