An Elaborate Facebook Status

Posted: 30/10/2010 in The Calculator
Tags: , ,

Simon wants to talk about a particular type of Facebook status. The type of status that makes you want to throw up in the face of the person who has written it. The status that will guarantee to make you either cringe with embarrassment or just be angry for a good couple of minutes. The type of status that makes you want to delete the person who wrote it from your friends list. The type of status that you have to fight the urge to comment on because you know you’ll only write something really nasty. I feel there should be a specific name for this type of status but if there is I don’t know of it. The type of status I’m referring to always includes the word ‘love’ and the name of another person.

This Prick loves That Twat soooooooooo much. 2geva 4eva baby ❤ ❤ <3″

This is the kind of thing I’m talking about. If you write this kind of status and are oblivious to how much it makes me (and many others) hate you then this is a heads-up. It’s relentless. No one cares how happy you are. Yes you’re in love and that’s great but could you please just tell the person you’re actually in love with and not broadcast it to the rest of the world. The rest of the world could not possibly care any less.

There are times when it’s appropriate. Valentine’s Day perhaps. Maybe you’ve just got engaged or it’s your wedding day, in that case no one would begrudge you a lovey-dovey status. If your partner has just been killed in an accident then maybe you could be forgiven for pouring your heart out. These are the only circumstances I deem it acceptable to be a soppy sad-act in a status.

You might think that my hatred towards this type of status is down to the fact that I am a single man but no, I hate this kind of status because it makes me want to be sick with embarrassment and punch someone in the face (preferably someone much smaller than me).

If you’re guilty of subjecting the world to this cringeworthy crap then I implore you to stop immediately. You’re making me ill. Otherwise I’m just going to hope that your boyfriend/girlfriend dumps you for being such a pathetic human being.

End of status.

  1. I kind of agree with you. Facebook status declarations such as that…not so classy.

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